AI generated photo to show old village of China
Written by Zhang Runlian
English Translated by Pan Liqing
My mother is the person I love the most.
I love her, and she loves me too. She loves each her children, and she loves the family she worked so hard to support throughout her life.
Lunar calendar day October 2nd, 2021 was a day of enormous sorrow for us seven siblings. It’s the day we lost our mother! Now almost two years have passed since then, but my longing for my mother has only grown stronger. Every time I return to my hometown and see the room where my mother once lived and the things she used, it feels as if her image and smile are right in front of me.
I recall that back when my mother was healthy, whenever she knew that her children working away from home were coming back, she would always wait for us at the doorstep until we got out of the car. We would habitually shout, "Mom, I'm home!" and she would happily respond, "Hey, my dear, you are home!" then help us carry our luggage inside. When our mother was still around, we siblings living afar in cities would always feel that our mother was our home, and our home was our mother.
Time flies, and life is short! Now, as I approach the autumn of my own life, I deeply understand the difficulty of raising children! Whenever I think of the hardships my mother endured throughout her life, feelings of guilt arise! The time I spent with my mother was too little, and the duties I fulfilled were too few! So little happiness of her was attributed to me. During her memorial period, I could only write these words as a tribute, as a token of the children's meager remembrance of her.
For all her life, my mother was diligent, kind, and understanding. She was always helpful to the weak, loved doing good deeds, and displayed great wisdom! She was in some way a famous figure and known by people within a hundred miles! She lived harmoniously with the neighbors and took great care of the family! Despite the many hardships in her life, she never let difficulties defeat her! Even when she had no rice to cook and had to borrow from others, she would still not hesitate to share if she meets the poor who really needs. If she come across monks who collect alms or funds for building bridges and repairing roads, she would also donate, no matter how difficult it was for her. She told us children to do more good deeds, so that the heaven would look after us!
My mother was a true believer of Buddhism and karma. She often told us that Buddha would bless us, that difficulties were temporary, and that good times would follow hard times. And that’s because Buddha was always silently watching over and protecting those who accumulated virtue and did good deeds, and he was able to tell all the good and evil in the world! Influenced by my mother, I also hold my firm belief in this. My mother is just such a person with such simple faith. She lived a simple life, was not afraid of hardship or fatigue, and did her best to raise her seven children. She was an ordinary yet great mother!
My mother was born into an ordinary rural family, the only daughter among four siblings, and was very pampered. As a result, she was not very good at farm work! As she grew up, she married my elder sibling’s father, and the marriage was the union of beauty and a talented. The husband was tall, handsome, and quite capable, serving as the village committee secretary at a young age. They had five children and lived a happy life for twelve years! During this time, my mother was mostly giving birth and raising children, with the help of other family members and elders. Although it was not easy, it was still a happy time. My mother hardly did any heavy farm work during this period, and at that time such as lifestyle was quite decent in countryside.
However, fate took a cruel turn. My mom’s first husband developed heart disease in his early thirties. Medical technology was underdeveloped at that time, and he did not receive proper treatment. He passed away at just thirty-five, leaving my mother and five young children behind! The eldest sister was only eleven years old, and the youngest brother was not yet a year old. When the villagers saw the five young children in mourning clothes kneeling at the grave, everyone wept. The villagers sympathized with them, saying that such a good person and such a happy family had collapsed because the pillar was gone. My mother fainted from crying at home back then. But life had to go on. After a period of grief, my mother wiped out her tears and transformed from a weak woman into a strong mother who protected her children!
After a year of hard life, many people suggested my mother to remarry so that a man can support her, and she finally accepted the advice. Through a matchmaker, she married my father. My father's ancestors were craftsmen and quite wealthy, with some seven of eight generations working as carpenters, passing down the craft! My father was also pampered as a child and had not done much farm work either, and developed a selfish personality. Due to societal changes, he went from a rich young master to a sinner who got criticized and denounced, and therefore lived a muddled life. He was not putting his heart into carpentry, and was unable to support such a large family! Moreover, after marrying with my mother, me, a daughter was born. My father, like many men of his time, valued sons over daughters, and suggested giving me away because girls are “useless”. My mother, out of anger, really sent me to a family in the same village who wanted a daughter. My eldest brother and sister cried when they knew I was given away, and my mother also was not so cold-hearted to abandon me. Then they come with a plan. Mom had my brother and sister go to that family's place to get me back, using the excuse that she feared I might be hungry so needed to be nursed. That family had guessed that my mother must have regretted and allowed them to take me back.
I returned to this big family and joined the hard times of kids not having enough food and clothing. The difficult time continued for two more years, and then my younger sister was born. Seeing a daughter again, my father wanted to give her away again because he wanted to have a boy, but my mother won’t agree. This was the final straw that led to the complete breakdown of their relationship. My mother felt my father was irresponsible and incapable of taking great responsibility, so she decided to stop having children and underwent sterilization!
My father said, "If you won't give me a son, why should I support this big family? Let's live separately in the future."
Since then, my father lived his life, and my mother lived hers.
Two more years passed, during which time we constantly borrow life necessities from neighbors! By then, my eldest sister was about fourteen, and my eldest brother about twelve. They voluntarily gave up their chance to go to school, taking on the heavy responsibilities of the family. They did farm work, heavy work, dirty work, and tiring work from a very early age! My mother also did various hard jobs from morning till night to support the family. At that time, my second brother had to look after all the the younger siblings! Fortunately, he was very smart and diligent, and excelling in his studies. My mother and elder siblings all supported him to continue with studies, saying no matter how hard it was, he must receive education. At that time, few people in the countryside valued education. Many were satisfied with just finishing primary school, believing that to know some words and numbers was already enough. Few realized the importance of education in changing one's fate, but my mother was different, and she knew very clearly that only education could change our destiny!
Then my aunt advised my mother against letting my second brother go to school, saying it was a waste of money, and it would be much better to have an extra pair of working hands, which not only saves money but also means more income to support the family. My mother did not heed her advice and insisted that my second brother continue his education. She said, "Nothing is more superior than knowledge," urging us to study hard so that we could get away from poverty and the mountains.
Indeed, my mother had foresight. My second brother earned good scores in examine and was admitted to Beijing Normal University in 1985. His grades were good enough to get into Tsinghua or Peking University, but he chose Beijing Normal University because it offered a monthly stipend of forty yuan, considering the poverty of our family. The news of this top student from the mountains was like today's headline news, spreading throughout our county and neighboring counties. More and more people praised my second brother and my mother for her educational guidance! My second brother and mother became famous within a hundred miles!
My mother's status rose significantly, and she was praised and respected wherever she went! Later, as my second brother pursued his master's, doctorate, and postdoctoral studies, the family's social and economic status improved year by year due to his education! My mother's life also got better and better! As the children grew up, my mother encouraged us younger ones to study hard, and I became one of the few female college students from our area in that era. At that time, few rural girls continued their education. From the years when my second brother went to college, the local customs changed. Previously, people thought education was useless, but later they urged their children to study hard, to learn from my second brother, who could attend a top university in Beijing despite the hardships. Since then, people from my hometown have regarded my mother as an exemplary parent, admiring her tenacious character and indomitable spirit!
My mother was just a very simple rural woman.
In her youth, she served as the chair of woman’s committee in the village, and she loved beauty! This remained unchanged even in her hardest and most difficult years. She dressed neat and clean every day, full of energy. In fact, I once saw my mother sobbing bitterly, and I cried with her. Looking back now, I realize how desperate and helpless she was, yet also how strong! She always healed herself slowly, always presenting an optimistic appearance in front of others! In my youth, I hardly paid attention to my mother's appearance because she was the closest, most intimate, and most familiar person to us. I never noticed her changes! I never remembered when my mother got gray hair, wrinkles, lost teeth, or a slightly stooped back, until my eldest sister noticed in 2016 that my mother often forgot things quickly, sometimes even forgetting address of home, and forgetting what she had just said. Once a clean-loving person, she then became reluctant to take a bath, and couldn't remember the names of some close relatives. We panicked and realized that our mother had Alzheimer's disease.
When my eldest sister described our mother's symptoms to me, she couldn't stop crying! Our mother might soon forget us, so I quickly put aside my work and returned to my hometown to accompany her for a month. That was the most comforting and worthwhile time I spent with my mother! My eldest sister and I took our mother to the park, ate delicious food, and took photos. My mother was as happy as a child! We asked her if she was happy, and she said she was very happy! Knowing that our mother might gradually forget us in the future was heartbreaking, with a lot of sorrow!
In the following years, my mother's Alzheimer's disease worsened. She gradually forgot us, gradually lost her mobility, and finally even had difficulty swallowing. My second brother sought medical treatment everywhere to get her better care. Our mother suffered from the illness for several years, and despite years of treatment, she was not cured. She passed away on October 2nd, 2021, according to the lunar calendar. We seven siblings were heartbroken but had to accept her passing, wishing her peace!
If it weren't for the torment of illness, our mother's later life would have been very happy, with her children grown up, successful, and living happy lives! She also harvested the fruits of her younger life’s hardworking - now with her children all become prominent celebrity locally and admired by others, and being very filial to her, she was quite admired by others and was very content!
One could say my mother's life was extraordinary. She experienced hardships, setbacks, and low points. She has had a happy marriage but also later turmoil. She witnessed life's ups and downs, lived difficulties and happiness, and experienced colds and warmth! In her old age, she had a large family with children and grandchildren, four generations under one roof, living a happy senior life. Although she got illness, she also received good treatment and care, living decently. In the countryside, eighty-year-old was considered longevity, and she passed away peacefully!
Oh Mother, the greatest legacy you left us is the indomitable spirit, perseverance, unyielding optimism, and your hard work! No matter the time or place, we, her children and grandchildren, will always remember and be grateful to her! Time and distance will never diminish our longing for her, only deepen it! Her spirit will influence and inspire us, her descendants to never give up and to believe in a better future!
Written by Zhang Runlian on September 26, 2023.
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